# Writing Style Improvements Following Moran's Principles ## Before vs. After Examples ### Example 1: Abstract Opening **Before**: "Why do rational entrepreneurs systematically overpromise? This paper argues that overpromising is not a cognitive bias but an optimal strategy emerging from the temporal structure of venture creation." **After**: "We prove that entrepreneurial overpromising is mathematically optimal, not a cognitive bias." **Moran's Principle Applied**: Lead with the strongest claim. Delete warm-up sentences. ### Example 2: Flow Between Ideas **Before**: "Point: Entrepreneurs expand value space by introducing promise level P as decision variable and conditional probabilities F|P (funding given promise) and D|P (delivery given promise). Evidence: V=$300M revenue potential..." **After**: "Our key innovation is treating the promise level P as the central decision variable that simultaneously determines fundability F|P and deliverability D|P. Unlike traditional models that take success probabilities as given, we show how entrepreneurs rationally choose promises that maximize expected value..." **Moran's Principle Applied**: Each sentence ends with a "half-open door" that invites the next. Remove mechanical scaffolding. ### Example 3: Technical Explanation **Before**: "The violated independence assumption F⊥̸D meant funding pressures directly impaired delivery capability, showing how spatial and temporal strategies can conflict." **After**: "When funding enables delivery (positive dependence), the joint probability PFD(P) > PF(P)·PD(P), and optimal P* increases through funding's 'deep pocket' effect." **Moran's Principle Applied**: Use plain language for complex ideas. If the concept is wild, anchor it in simple diction. ### Example 4: Transitions **Before**: "Repeat: This temporal effect is amplified by creating new state variables in the decision space." **After**: "This framework yields a closed-form solution: P* = ln[(2Cu + V)/(2Co + V)], providing testable predictions about how promise levels vary with venture characteristics and evolve over time." **Moran's Principle Applied**: Make transitions invisible. The reader should glide from one idea to the next without noticing the mechanics. ### Example 5: Conclusion Power **Before**: "Repeat: This framework reveals entrepreneurial overpromising as feature, not bug—the mathematical engine of creative destruction." **After**: "This reframing has profound implications: rather than trying to 'debias' entrepreneurs, we should design ecosystems that channel rational overpromising toward productive innovation." **Moran's Principle Applied**: End with consequence, not repetition. Leave the reader with something to do, not something to remember.